The 5 Love Languages: Book Review

    By Teresa

            Often when couples are in love and are considering marriage, they have a false sense of happily ever after. In reality, love changes and evolves. According to Garry Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages, “true love cannot begin until the in-love experience has run its course” (p.33). The first couple of chapters in Chapman’s book serve as an introduction. He introduces the concept of a “love tank” and why we as humans crave and thrive when it is full. He also introduces the idea that learning and being able to speak your spouse’s love language will help fill their love tank and can essentially be the key to a long lasting and loving marriage. We simply can’t be infatuated with someone forever.

            Chapman began his career as a marriage counselor.  Over the years, he began to see patterns among his clients.  Based on his observations and the experiences of his clients, he developed theories about different types of love expressions and understandings, which he named “love languages”.  Much of the book also stems from his Christian upbringing and education.  His book is not based on peer-reviewed research, but is based on experiential observations through his work as a counselor. 

            The book was easy to read and a practical guide.  The sections were clearly divided, which allows for quick reference.  Included at the end of the book, are tests to help determine which love language you and your significant other understand.  The book was written as a guide to husbands and wives, but can lend itself to any relationship, romantic or otherwise.  The majority of the book focuses on explaining each of the five love languages.  The languages are explained through anecdotes of couples from Chapman’s practice, seminars, and acquaintances.   

            Some of the work in making a romantic relationship work is finding out what your partner’s love language is. According to Chapman, “your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English” (p. 15). He also explains that people tend to speak their primary love language but because spouses rarely have the same language the spouse does not get the foreign love message which in turn frustrates the sender. The five love languages that Chapman has identified are highlighted in their own chapter. They include:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

            Chapman concludes by explaining how we are creatures of choice and we have the capacity to change our future depending on what we choose.  Sometimes the choice to love your significant other in their love language takes work and commitment and isn’t always easy, but Chapman says it will be worth it.   I found the book to be an insightful read.  It was an interesting perspective, and made me look more closely at my own relationships and evidences of love languages in my life.  

Chapman, G. (2010).  The 5 Love Languages (4^th ed.) Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing