Debt Before Marriage

By Teresa

For most people, deciding who to marry will be one of the biggest decisions they will ever make.  You have the power to enter marriage ignorantly and hope that everything will work out, or you can enter with your eyes open.  For me, I would choose the latter.  Marriage can be a scary thing, but putting forth every effort possible to get to know everything about your partner before you say “I do” can make the world of difference. One area in particular that should be covered before you get married is finances.  Marital conflict is increased by debt, and is the second highest marital concern rated by newlyweds (Dew 2008).  Communicating about financial issues, beliefs, and management before you commit will save you a lot of grief after you are married. For the rest of this post, I would like to focus specifically on the financial issue of debt.  I strongly encourage the communication of other financial issues concerning the future and the present such as: financial planning, types of savings, investments, retirement, and sources of income. 

Debt, whether it is: school loans, a vehicle, furniture, electronics, recreational toys, mortgage, or credit card can be a heavy burden for a couple to share.  Maintaining marital satisfaction levels is a challenge, especially for newlywed couples with consumer debt- this is because they have such high expectations for their relationship, but the consumer debt makes it harder to have their reality match their expectations (Dew 2008).  Before you get married you should ask yourself and your partner two important questions:

 1- What are all your current personal debts? 

2- What items can be justified for going into debt?

 Even though these two questions may seem straight forward, the more specific your answer, the better you will understand your partner and their financial views.  For example, a common answer to the second question could be: school, car, and home. However, their view of the percentage of monthly income that should be allotted toward the car or mortgage payment may be significantly different than what you consider to be appropriate.  Detailed conversation can help to identify these financial specifications.

Finding out your significant others' answer to the first question may or may not feel like a pile of rocks landed on top of you.  Even if rocks do fall, don’t lose hope.  Find out details and specifics of each debt.  For example, find out their reasoning in obtaining the specific debts in the first place and what is being done to relieve each one.  Take every aspect that you learn into consideration and how it could affect your future together.  

The goal of my two questions is for your eyes to be opened and for you to be informed before you enter into marriage.  Debt is especially a critical issue that your eyes need to be opened to because consumer debt is a risk factor for becoming less satisfied within the marriage (Dew 2008). We all want to be happy in marriage, so take the time to talk about financial goals in general, but specifically communicate about debt before you say “I do.”  

Reference

Dew, Jeffrey (2008). Debt Change and Marital Satifacion Change in Recently Married Couples. Family Relations, Jan 2008, Vol. 57 Issue 1, p60, 12p