So to start out lets start thinking of a list that you have
for your future husband. Mine includes some things like funny, smart,
attractive, loves kids, will watch chick flicks with me, like sports, outgoing,
really friendly, likes to dance, and I could probably go on and on. In dating I
have met boys that have all of these qualities but one or two and sometimes they
are even lacking a few more, and I am really quick to think that things won’t
work because he did not meet all of the requirements. Now that I am nineteen
almost twenty, I have realized that I can’t keep doing this, because if I do,
I’ll never be able to find someone who meets all of my standards.
Something to remember is that there will be someone who is
“Mr. Right” for you! Just because he doesn’t have the perfect hair, or there
are some days he only cares about sports, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t make up
for it in other ways. But anything that doesn’t meet our expectations prompts
us to ask:
1.
Is this all there is?
2.
Am I as happy as I should be?
3.
Could there be somebody out there who’s better
for me?
We often answer yes to the last
question and we end up falling victim to our own expectations. The reality is
however, that few marriages or relationships consistently live up to the ideal
that somebody is our soul mate. (Shulman,2004)
What we need to remember is that that a real relationship
does not always mean that you match perfectly, but the way that you handle the
parts where you don’t match is
what determines the quality of the relationship. If we accept the humble terms
of the quest for a soul mate, the pursuit may be quite noble after all.
(Shulman 2004)
Remember on your search for a soul mate to be down to earth
with your expectations. “A central aspect of grown-up love is grief. All of us
long for-and think we deserve-perfection.”(Shulman, 2004). So I suggest you
find perfection through the work you put toward the relationship. This will be
a continual process but if you find someone who will continue to work through
the hard and the uncomfortable times with you, that will be your perfect man.
Source: Shulman, Polly. (2004). “Great Expectations.”
Psychology Today. (March/April).
The information shared on this post could be part of the reasons people delay marriage. Not sure that a perfect mate is ever going to be out there. Love the cartoon at the top!
ReplyDeleteI love this post because I think so many of us do this. I think there are multiple people that we can be very happy with in a relationship. It just depends on whether we're willing to put forth the effort or not. If we take the time to work through our problems instead of just giving up after one disagreement I think a lot of relationships would be a lot better off!
ReplyDelete-Sophia T.
This post is perfect for everyone. Because I know we all are wondering who is the "Mr. Right" for all of us, so reading this can sure help so you are not consistently stressing about that fact because we all know everyone has their flaws but this will let us get passed those.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you know this at 19! I love what Dieter F. Uchtdorf, a leader in the LDS church, said about this, "once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way. Once you have committed, the search for a soul mate is over. Our thoughts and actions turn from looking to creating."
ReplyDeleteThis is just what the research says! Strong marriages result when people choose to truly commit to their partner, warts and all, rather than holding them to unreasonable expectations.
Love this post! I agree that there are a lot of people waiting for perfection when the truth is that most people have to work with their partner for that perfection.
ReplyDelete-Bergen